OK… starting a bit before the Globes start. This will just be me rambling throughout the awards. I’ll publish during the commercials and edit and all that crap. Deal with it. No one’s reading anyway.
Looking for dad… will not see his ass anywhere near the red carpet. I imagine him being all Mission Impossible and hiding behind potted plants. He’s not famous enough to be shown anyway.
Giuliana is scary skinny. Ugh.
For the record, I find Ashton Kutcher smarmy and aggravating and not the least bit attractive. Natalie, girl, I know we’ve had our ups and downs (OK, you’ve been a snot and I’ve not liked it) but you look damned good in the “No Strings Attached” trailer and I hope you have an eventless pregnancy and a fantastic marriage.
Oh, Christina Aguilera… no. just no. One shouldn’t ever want to look like a giant sex toy.
DO. NOT. LIKE the shoulders on Anne Hathaway’s dress. Gah. Jennifer Lopez. Meh. Love Scarlett’s dress… HATE her Bride of Frankenstein hair.
Johnny Depp… the great unwashed, yet still sexy. Damn it. Just found out January Jones is going to be playing Emma Frost in the next X-Men movie. Yuck. She’s annoying me and I want to smack her. Ooooh, Tilda! Love her. And Christian Bale smiling and not being a douche. LOVE Olivia Wilde’s dress. Just LOVE it.
Back at the telecast. I think I liked Ricky Gervais better when he was a bit plump. Ricky better watch out with the “Tourist” jokes. Zahara’s gonna bitch shank him in the parking lot. And Leah Remini and Jenna Elfman are waiting by his limo after the scientologist joke to avenge Tommy and John.
Best supporting actor in a motion picture: Christian Bale. OK, I’m finding the long hair hot. But then again, look at the hair I married. It always makes me do a double take when he speaks, he’s done so many different flawless accents. Wow, he’s not a douche tonight. You go Christian.
Actress TV Series, Drama: WOW! Katey Sagal. This is a BIG yay! JP loves Sons of Anarchy and Katey is awesome in it. I think that was largely unexpected but well deserved.
Best Mini Series or TV Movie: Carlos. Didn’t see it. Oh well, was hoping for Temple Grandin. Can I just say that I hate Julianne Moore’s dress. It makes her look shapeless.
Took a pee break. Asked JP if I missed anything. He said “just lots of ‘thank yous’.” Thanks babe.
Bruce Willis looks good. God, I loved Red. Probably because of Helen Mirren. I would love her in anything.
Best Supporting Actor in some TV shit: Nuts. I wanted David Strathairn. Poo. Oh Christ on a bike, Lea Michele, it’s not about you, stop looking like you birthed the kid. Good speech, Chris Colfer.
Damn Michelle Pfeiffer. Stop looking so good, bitch. Alice in Wonderland. Loved it, because of Helena Bonham Carter. I would love her in anything. Meh, the president crap with Eva Longoria. Whatever. Should have taken my pee break now.
Best Actor – TV series Drama: Kind of hoping for Steve Buscemi. YAY!!! Go me… go me… Doing the Buscemi dance around the living room. After 9/11, the man will ALWAYS have my heart. Always.
TV Series Drama: So over Dexter. Like The Good Wife and Boardwalk Empire… actually like everything but Dexter. Boardwalk Empire. Good choice.
Andrew Garfield – it’s OK. I lose control of words all the time. The Social Network… not all the fond of that film. But I like David Fincher.
ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE: Don’t give a fart about any of these. It was some pap by Diane Warren from that crappy Burlesque movie. OK. The shoutout to Ronni Chasen was good. RIP Ronni.
ORIGINAL SCORE: I care more about this than song. Wouldn’t mind seeing Trent Reznor win even though he’s a prick. Oh man, cool. Didn’t expect that. I’m still so sad that he’s what and who he is now, but that score was amazing. JP just looked at the screen and said “damn Trent, you’re kind of turning into someone’s dad aren’t you? Please tell me there’s no mini van involved in your life.”
Justin Beiber/Bieber, whatever. Annoying hair, dude(tte). He’s wearing more makeup than I usually do.
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM: I kinda liked Tangled. Hated Toy Story 3. Damn it. Yeah yeah, shut up. Where’s that sad music?
God, I love Robert Downey Jr. Just LOVE him. And Emma Stone… awesome. Angelina Jolie looks gorgeous.
BEST ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE COMEDY OR MUSICAL: Come on Julianne! OK. Annette Bening. I can deal. She was wonderful. Hate her hair, though. I love her speech.
guest blogging for a bit, me, JP. Liana’s on the phone. I’m sure she’ll fix my typos.
Sylvester Stallone looks like a pug. One of the ugly pugs. The ones that smell bad. The Fighter was a decent flick, though.
ACTOR MINI-SERIES OR TV MOVIE: I’m scared of Tilda Swinton. She could kick my ass. Al Pacino won for something I didn’t see. Liana said she didn’t see it either. Is Tilda Swinton like 8 feet tall or something? Liana will be back for the next award. And to fix my typos and grammar mistakes. JP out and back to the couch.
Awww, you didn’t do too badly, my dear. Thanks. I was on the phone with my sister Maria. And Pacino won for You Don’t Know Jack.
ACTRESS IN THE SAME THING: Hoping for either Claire Danes or Judi Dench. Yay. Claire Danes. She bugs me, but her role was amazing and she did an awesome job. My sister’s autistic and this work showed how capable the autistic population can be. Don’t ever underestimate anyone.
BEST SCREENPLAY: Come on King’s Speech. I just don’t like Aaron Sorkin. And damn. Damn. Damn. Aaron Sorkin is a weenie. Oh well, The Social Network. Meh.
SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN TV SHIT: Come on Jane Lynch. YAY! Take THAT Ed O’Neill. Yes, it’s personal. I worked with Jane Lynch and simply love her. She’s a wonderful woman. Surprised Lea Michelle isn’t clasping her chest and acting like she birthed Jane, too. Oh wait, she did and was. I hope that comment Jane made was about Lea.
BEST FOREGN LANGUAGE FILM: In a Better World. OK. Only saw The Edge. So can’t comment.
My Helen! I love her. Love her. Love her. The King’s Speech. Damn it, I loved this movie so much I want to live alone in a room with it.
BEST ACTRESS TV SERIES COMEDY/MUSICAL: Lea Michele better not win. Phew. Laura Linney. I love her, too. Damn, Lea, everyone’s winning but you. And were there some boos or was that wishful thinking? … and Lea attacks the Ernst and Young guys demanding a recount.
Hanoi Jane in a Barbarella dress. And why the hell is Burlesque nominated? The movie sucked.
ACTOR TV SERIES COMEDY/MUSICAL: I would love to see Matthew Morrison win just to piss off Lea. But Jim Parsons is so good and so deserving. Yay! I actually loved Kaley Cuoco’s reaction. It was so real and so sweet.
SUPPORTING ACTRESS MOTION PICTURE: Wide open field here. Anyone is deserving. Melissa Leo… OK, the least deserving of the deserving. OK, I did like her reaction. Helena Bonham Carter looks like “OK., shut up now.”
Cecil B. DeMille Award to Robert DeNiro. Matt Damon is pretty funny. OK, that’s done. Now more commercials and then more awards.
Yes, I’ve noticed my caps/no caps thing. I don’t care. No one reads this shit anyway.
BEST DIRECTOR: MOTION PICTURE: David Fincher. I’m OK with this. I didn’t really like The Social Network, but I thought it was really well directed. I would have been happy with pretty much anyone nominated as they all did a remarkable job with their films.
BEST TELEVISION SERIES COMEDY OR MUSICAL: Glee. Ugh. I would have loved Nurse Jackie since I’ve worked on that show, but I think it was really nominated in the wrong category. It’s not really a comedy. Surprised Lea Michelle isn’t front and center crying. Oh wait, she is trying to get her face right up front, isn’t she? Cow.
Ugh, Alicia Keys. Why the hell is SHE there? Go away.
ACTOR IN MOTION PICTURE COMEDY/MUSICAL: Ugh. Paul Giamatti. There’s something about him I really don’t like. I feel like he plays the same basic character over and over again, just different permutations on a theme.
ACTRESS MOTION PICTURE DRAMA: Natalie Portman. She deserved it. And wow – she’s OK, more humble than I’ve ever seen her and a little goofy… and yeah, we know Ben slept with you.
BEST MOTION PICTURE COMEDY OR MUSICAL: The Kids Are All Right. This was a deserving film. Lovely and sweet and funny and touching.
God, I hate Guy Fieri. He’s an over aged, over sized, useless college frat guy with bad fashion sense.
ACTOR MOTION PICTURE DRAMA: Come on Colin. I will cry if you don’t win. Thank God I don’t have to cry. My beloved Colin won. I adore that man. Some day I will work on a set with him. Some day. Love the mid-life quip. What a lovely tribute his his beautiful wife. There’s nothing sexier than a man in love with his wife.
Michael Douglas presents the final award of the evening. He really looks great considering what he went through…
BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA: Fuck a duck. The stupid Social Network. Sorry, I just really didn’t care for that film. I don’t think it came close to the brilliance of The King’s Speech or The Fighter.
Overall: Ricky Gervais was OK. Nothing stellar. Not happy with the Best Motion Picture – Drama or Comedy Actor. Pleased Lea Michelle didn’t win. Pleased Jane Lynch won and Sofia Vergara didn’t. Next come the SAGs, then the Oscars.
And hey, didn’t see my dad at all. Way to hide behind the potted plants, dad.