(I know open letters to celebs are twee, but it’s my blog, so shush.)
Dear Taylor Momsen,
I think someone needs to hand you a hair brush, a bottle of eye makeup remover, and some pants and tell you to clean up and shut up.
Seriously. You are seventeen years old. You did not invent nor do you own rock. It’s been around since before your enabling parents were born. No one has decided that you are the great protector of rock music. Really, I checked.
I think what you need to do is shut up and make your music. Let the music speak for itself, as music is wont to do. If you have to talk about how edgy and different you are, then you’re really just convincing yourself. I’m sorry you were Cindy Lou Who and are desperate to wipe the slate clean of that hairstyle and that image, but talking about your vibrator and dropping the “fuck” bomb at every opportunity isn’t the way to do it. And the eye makeup… I worry about infection. Looking like a raccoon is not worth potentially going blind from improper use of eyeliner.
Taylor, dear Taylor. I’ve been around the hardcore, thrash, and goth scenes longer than you’ve existed. You and your band are none of these things. Talking about things doesn’t make them come true. You’re not bad. Really, you’re actually pretty good. But you can’t dictate how people perceive you and that is exactly what you are trying to do.
Try a little humility, too. Humility goes a long way in making people take you seriously when you’re first starting out. You’re a little full of yourself for someone just turned seventeen with her first album.
So, in closing, shut up and let the music talk. The music is way less obnoxious than you are.
P.S. Put on some pants, please. Your look is not “high-class hooker,” it’s backalley whore.